Will someone please answer this question for me: Is domestic
violence wrong for whoever is guilty of it, or is just wrong when men do it? I think we all know the answer to that one by
now. When the Center For Disease Control report on intimate partner violence in
2011 was released, the media focused entirely on its findings on sexual
assault—noticeably lower than the figures that were commonly put out by
propagandists, but still the closest thing to an “accurate” accounting;
interestingly, the report left the issue of whether males were “raped” as a
“not applicable” to purpose of the study.
What was entirely ignored by the media (and of course by the
propagandists) was the revelation that there was near parity in the number (if
not always in the severity) of acts of domestic violence by both men and women.
It also revealed a disturbing trend—men were increasingly reporting more incidents of domestic violence
committed against them than the
number of incidents women reported, in fact 25 percent more incidents in the
year prior.
While it is certainly true that a man engaging in an act of physical
violence can be a frightening thing to whoever is the target of it, people tend
not to differentiate between the intention to hurt, and that involving
self-defense. The reality is that domestic violence incidents are usually
instigated first by some petty issue leading to argument , and once someone
doesn’t receive sufficient “satisfaction” that the hurt or guilt intended isn’t
apparent felt, this can go beyond the simple argument phase if the will and
opportunity is present, and this applies to women perhaps more so than men.
I’ve encountered too many women with “attitude” who I sense are difficult
people to live with.
Domestic violence is clearly a two-way street in most cases;
how can it be legislated out of existence if one side—women and their advocates—feel
that their “participation” is not domestic violence, but merely the weakness of
woman that must be tolerated by men—even when it involves being physically
assaulted? To defend oneself is to fall accused and ostracized.
I’m not going to claim that there are not violent men out
there who can just barely keep themselves under control. There are, plenty of
them, and I’ve “met” some of them. And many of them are the husbands and
partners of women who—to be perfectly frank—prefer such “strong” men because
they like being “taken care of” rather than look after themselves. These men
pretend to love their women, but they are also the ones I would be most fearful
of. I saw one of these men on the bus the other day, and I will write a post
soon describing it.
Yet there are also women who just imagining being locked-up
in the same room with them for five minutes amounts to domestic violence. Six
days after the shooting at that Kent Wendy’s/convenience store, I happened to
be there when another potentially violent scene erupted. I was in the restroom,
and when I heard the commotion, I decided to lock myself in the stall, just in
case some violence did occur. A man seemed to be “calmly” requesting that a
woman, presumably his girlfriend, return a cellphone to him. The woman,
however, was screaming ferociously, threatening to call the police if he didn’t
leave. He kept asking her, for whatever reason, to return his phone, but she
refused and continued to shriek not in an aspect of fear, but of threat.
Finally the two were “persuaded” to leave the premises, and from what I could
tell the police were not involved. But having heard and not seen what had
transpired, I was more disturbed by the violence in the woman’s behavior.
Yet this information has gone unreported by the media, and
“unknown” to the general public. To state that women who instigate and engage
in domestic violence (afterwards to pose as “passive victims”) actually exist
is simply not acceptable. People won’t believe it or don’t want to. Or worse
yet, it doesn’t matter. For activists and propagandists, to admit as much is to
bring the whole edifice of their victim myths to come crumbling down.
Public figures who are accused are typical fodder for
propagandists, but athletes seem to be more the object of outrage, at least in
the opinion of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Supposedly “outrage” from every
corner of the country—especially from the half of the fan base who are
(supposedly) women—concerning the “light” two-game suspension without pay of
the Baltimore Ravens’ Ray Rice after an incident in an elevator with his then
fiancé (and now wife).
Admittedly the evidence of security cameras looked grim; it
appears that Rice is dragging his apparently unconscious fiancé out of the
elevator. He and his wife claim that they had an argument in the elevator, that
she altercated with him, and in “self-defense” he “accidently” caused her head
to be struck against the side of the elevator. One can speculate that this is
the truth or not; perhaps Rice’s wife didn’t want to ruin his career and lose
most of year’s salary, which would not be helpful to her lifestyle or
subsequent divorce settlement. But whatever the story was, Goodell initially
found it to be “credible” and warranting the lighter “sentence.”
But as noted, “outrage” came from feminist commentators in
the media and out, and domestic violence advocates; I use the term “advocates”
deliberately, since it accurately describes the indifference to the holistic
view of the problem, thus insuring its continuation as a propaganda tool to
justify their existence as propagators of various female victim myths.
Responding to accusations that he wasn’t taking domestic
violence among players seriously, Goodell released a new policy statement that
unfortunately incorporates the weaknesses of all other “remedies” for domestic
violence:
First, we will
continue our work with leading experts to expand the scope of our education on
domestic violence and sexual assault for all NFL personnel -- players and
non-players. This will include enhanced training for entering players through
the Rookie Symposium and Rookie Success Program, as well as new programs
designed for veteran players and other NFL personnel. All NFL personnel --
players and non-players -- will receive information about available league
resources and local support and advocacy groups in their community.
Again, what is to be gained by receiving “training” from
advocacy groups and so-called researchers who ignore the reality of
interpersonal conflict? If a player is confronted by an abusive spouse or
girlfriend, is he being told how to respond to it? Is he being told that he
isn’t always to blame, that sometimes it is the wife or partner who might need
help so that he doesn’t find himself arrested and imprisoned?
Second, our club Player Engagement Directors, Human Resource
Executives, and other appropriate team personnel will undergo comprehensive
training to help them understand and identify risk factors associated with
domestic violence and sexual assault. Any person identified as being at risk
will be afforded private, confidential assistance. Persons who decline this
assistance will be held accountable for that decision in determining discipline
for any subsequent act of domestic violence or sexual assault. This is a
complicated matter and must be approached with care. We will work with experts
to identify strategies based on the most reliable research, recognizing that
violence can and does take different forms but generally involves a pattern of
coercive behavior.
Again, broad assumptions are being made here. Does a “risk
factor” include being with a domestic partner who tends to instigate conflict,
thus raising the possibility of actions deemed to be “domestic violence” if
that is what the offending partner chooses to call it once she goes too far and
assumes the “passive victim” role? What “strategy” has any chance of working if
it doesn’t take into consideration the active role of women in many of these
incidents?
The letter goes on with similar hypocrisy, and then this:
We will address these
issues fairly and thoughtfully, respecting the rights of all involved and
giving proper deference to law enforcement and the courts. If someone is
charged with domestic violence or sexual assault, there will be a mandatory
evaluation and, where professionally indicated, counseling or other specialized
services. Effective immediately, violations of the Personal Conduct Policy
regarding assault, battery, domestic violence or sexual assault that involve physical
force will be subject to a suspension without pay of six games for a first
offense, with consideration given to mitigating factors, as well as a longer
suspension when circumstances warrant. Among the circumstances that would merit
a more severe penalty would be a prior incident before joining the NFL, or
violence involving a weapon, choking, repeated striking, or when the act is
committed against a pregnant woman or in the presence of a child. A second
offense will result in banishment from the NFL; while an individual may
petition for reinstatement after one year, there will be no presumption or
assurance that the petition will be granted. These disciplinary standards will
apply to all NFL personnel.
Where does “fairly” and “thoughtfully” enter into this
draconian policy that ignores the reality of domestic violence? First offense
six days without pay? Does this cover everything from speaking “intimidatingly”
to domestic partner, which is one of the criteria that advocacy groups claim constitutes
“domestic violence”? Does an act of self-defense constitute domestic violence
that warrants six games or more without pay? If a player has a particularly
abusive, self-involved wife who promises not to engage in actions that possibly
lead to a physical confrontation after she causes him to be charged (because
that is what police and the courts do, regardless of who the true guilty party is)
for the first offense, and continues to do so anyhow, and an incident simply
cannot be avoided in the heat of moment, and she refuses to take responsibility
for her own actions, then what? Why must the player lose his career because he
chose the wrong “life” partner?
I despise hypocrisy, and this is simply another example of
it. I have said this time and time again: In most cases, incidents of domestic violence
don’t occur in a vacuum, and men are just as often the victim of it. Caving
into the hypocrisy of advocacy groups with draconian punishments not only harm
men who may be only guilty of defending themselves against an abusive spouse,
but continue the vicious cycle of denial that only promises that domestic violence
remains an on-going issue. Only when women are held accountable for their own
actions will domestic violence become a “solvable” problem.