A Matt Flynn soliloquy

You might ask me what it feels like to be paid $10 million guaranteed and sit here on the bench all day. Some people might say it is like winning the lottery, and it’s cool not to have to work another day in my entire life. But the truth is, it’s a real drag. When I came to Seattle, they told me I’d have to compete with Tarvaris Jackson. What, me worry? Isn’t that what Alfred E. Newman always said? Word of wisdom: Never listen to a red-haired dude with a tooth gap you can drive a truck through.

They tell me that this rookie, Russell Wilson, has beat me out for the starting job that should have been mine. What do they mean “beat me out???” I started two real games and threw for 731 yards and 9 touchdowns. And they are trying to tell me I’m no good? Based on what? That this Wilson guy “looked” better than I did in the preseason? I play quarterback—I don’t play AT quarterback.

I don’t want Russell to fail—like so many of these radio and print people wished me to fail because they wanted to grovel at the feet of the Prince. But I watched him play against Arizona, and thought “I saw Aaron throw for 400 yards against this team in the playoffs, and Brett Favre threw for a career-best 446 yards against these guys when he was 40 years old—and I threw for more yards in a game than both of them. God, I wish I was in there now and show these guys how a real quarterback gets it done.” I wish I didn’t have so much pride, because I wouldn’t be so upset by all these drooling sycophants in the media telling fans that 153 yards passing on 34 attempts is “good” considering the “circumstances.”

Dallas is up next. Which Cowboys team will show-up? “America’s Team” or America’s Least Wanted? It doesn’t take long to find out: A fumble on the opening kick-off. Seahawks catch a break on yet another unnecessary roughness call; Russell must lead the league as a beneficiary of such calls. Maybe the officials are taking pity on him because everyone else is so much bigger than he is. Third down pass in the end zone—where did it go? And people say I have a funky delivery. Maybe he was throwing it to one of his adoring fans in the stands as a souvenir.

Next series: Our defense is actually making the offense look good when the latter isn’t even trying. Cowboys advance the ball as far as a snail in the same amount of time and punt; it’s blocked and our side is up 10-0. It will be that kind of day. DeMarcus Ware—I’m surprised he even found his way out of the locker room against this offensive line that took the lion’s share of the blame for last week’s loss. Not that I really care…did that come out right?

I must confess that I am confused by what is going on here. On this team, the quarterback is little more than a glorified halfback who can throw the ball. 304 yards passing in two games? I threw for 280 yards in just the first half against Detroit last year. Hell, Brandon Weeden—the rookie starter who had the worst performance last week—had the best performance this week, throwing for 322 yards on 26 of 37 passes. Russell has in fact thrown for far fewer yards than any of the five rookie starting quarterbacks so far this year. I admit that I’ve seen teams win like this—except that they hardly ever win enough to make it into the playoffs. Both quarterbacks in the last Super Bowl—Tom Brady and Eli Manning—threw for 5,000 yards. I admit I have heard talk about a time when teams actually ran the ball more often than pass, but that was years before I was born. These days, if you throw 150 yards a game, that means you are an afterthought in the playbook, no matter how much people faun all over you. That’s not for me; I don’t want people to tell me I’m great, like this other guy—I want to show them. I don’t want the media to give me all the credit when other people are doing all the heavy lifting; it’s too embarrassing, the more so because I know it to be true. But they won’t let me show them. They are perfectly happy to have T-Jack with a new paint job. I seem to remember that this team seemed to make easy pickings of the "dream team" Eagles and the Bears last year, too.

I’m not bitter. No, really. Next week, my old team comes to town. I bet my ex-teammates never saw my present circumstance coming (or said otherwise to my face), after all the hard work they put into making me look great in that Game. Last week, the Packer defense sacked Jay Cutler seven times and intercepted four of his passes. Go Pack-er-Seahawks. I sure love being a Seahawk.