The out-of-control "name" game

I was on a bus when two persons sitting right behind me began discussing the names they gave their children. There seemed to be some competition to give their children a name nobody else can claim to have done. One of the women said she named her youngest son by something pronounced “mar-kee,” which I could only guess how she decided to spell, since she also mentioned that she had spelled it in a suitably “neat” way. However, she was not without a sense of “tradition.” She admitted that she had given her older boy an “old European” name—Tarik (or Tariq, but who knows). Actually, it is a name common in the Muslim world; at least it is a “traditional” name in certain parts of the world, as is a name like “Barack.” 

Most of these new-fangled appellations seem to have their inspiration not from a sense of “roots”—such as from Africa—but from bastardized French-sounding “names.” I’m not referring to innocuous names like Paris (as in Hilton), but something like LaMonicanikita (as in “Where the hell is the nearest rock I can hide under when they call my name in a crowded room?”). Of course, it could be worse; I read about how one mother named her daughter "Urine." While in the hospital awaiting the birth, she saw the word on a hospital chart, and thought it would be a "unique" name; but at least she had the "good sense" to have it pronounced "Ureen."

I’m not going to say that it is just black folks who can’t spell, as mischievous people on the Internet have suggested. No self-respecting black person would name their kids Azza, Blip, Braulio, Osbaldo, Thurdy, or Yash (I don’t think). Don’t these people consider their kids’ futures when they provide them with such monstrosities? Not everyone can overcome a name like “Condoleezza,” or has “hip” celebrity parents. But who wants to go through life being called Dweezil, Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin (the names Frank Zappa gave his children)? Admittedly, Nordic types have naturally oddball names they won't "Anglicize," but then again the "master race" is allowed such privileges.

“Unique” sounding names are all the rage with some people, but “Uneek” to me is just plain dumb. It is true that in the 1960s and 70s some black parents began their own “back to Africa” movement by naming their children “meaningful” words in some African dialect. But in the 1980s and beyond, even parents who gave their children “traditional” Anglo names began adding an extra syllable, and this “competition” to name kids with the cleverest-sounding name went out-of-control. And just as gang culture went mainstream via rap and hip-hop music, a few in white America decided to follow suit, although not as willing to stray as far from “tradition” as many black parents are willing to do. 

It has been suggested by some that while really out-there names may be “cool” while someone is still a child, they can cause harm down the road when one reaches adulthood and enters the “real world.” All such names do is exacerbate prevailing stereotypes, promoting differences instead of bridging gaps. It may be no one’s “business” what someone decides to name their kids, but people in business may not be so supportive. All I know is that I’m “glad” that I have a “traditional” name that goes way back to Roman times.