"Who's on first" in Miami?

The news coming out of the Miami Dolphins’ camp reminds me of that Abbott and Costello comedy routine “Who’s on first?” It seems like everyone in “charge” has a different idea of what’s going wrong—let alone what to do to resuscitate the beached ‘Fins. General manager Jeff Ireland has taken heat over the years for failed free agent signings and draft picks (Reggie Bush may be an exception), but he's just one cog in a rusty machine. Perhaps he can't be entirely blamed for his stupidity in asking Dez Bryant in a pre-draft “interview” if his mother was a “prostitute.” Could he have learned such pick-ups moves from his former boss, Bill Parcells, who had a tendency to forget a long-time star’s name once he decided his time up? Dolphins’ All-Pros Zach Thomas and Jason Taylor found this out the hard way: “You can’t make someone respect you” Taylor is quoted as saying—meaning Parcells and his stooge. More than a few free agents who visited Miami made a bee-line back to the airport after encountering owner Stephen Ross' boys.

After Parcells left, the Dolphin organization’s fig leaf of respectability revealed very small gonads, and everyone is now laughing. Peyton Manning’s snub should not have come as a surprise, but the coaching carrousel is more of more interest. When Jim Harbaugh and Jeff Fisher declined invitations, the ‘Fins hired Joe Philbin. Ever heard of Sherman Lewis? He was the titular offensive coordinator for the Packers during the Mike Holmgren years. Remember how people said that he was NFL head coaching material, like many of Holmgren’s underlings? It never happened. The problem was that Lewis took credit where none was justified: He didn’t call the plays—Holmgren did. When Holmgren went to Seattle, Ron Wolfe didn’t trust Lewis with the head coaching position, but he did bring in former Packers defensive coordinator and Eagles head coach Ray Rhodes. This time Lewis called the offensive plays; although I was personally surprised when Wolfe fired both at the end of the season, Lewis’ reputation was in tatters and his career advancement in the NFL at an end. And now Philbin—who was the clipboard holder while Mike McCarthy called the plays—is somehow expected to perform the same offensive feats that he allegedly had something to do with in Green Bay. And even now he is not expected to call the offensive plays; that is Mike Sherman’s job. And why shouldn’t it be? Sure he’s been fired from two head coaching jobs, but Sherman is the “elder statesman” on the staff, expected to cover for any of Philbin’s deficiencies.

Now that brings us to the intriguing story out of the owner’s meeting that suggests that Dolphin’s owner Ross doesn’t have a clue about what he’s talking about half the time, and the other half he is—as John Clayton suggested—throwing his coaches under the bus by blaming them for not ensnaring top free agents into Ross and Ireland’s web of deceit. Last week, Ross bizarrely called an irate season ticket holder to explain why the Dolphins’ management wasn’t as dysfunctional as he believed. In the matter of Matt Flynn, the early line was that Ross wouldn’t pay Flynn, but Ross now claimed that if his coaches really wanted Flynn, he would have done all in his power to insure that he signed on the dotted line. This seemed to suggest that Ross was passing the blame for the debacle on Philbin. Naturally, many observers—and more than a few in Seattle—saw this as a suggestion that Philbin really wasn’t as high on Flynn’s skills as first expected.

But it seems that Ross, Ireland and perhaps Mike Sherman are not on the same page with Philbin; interest in Ryan Tannehill is almost certainly being driven by Sherman, his former coach. Philbin, refusing to play the expendable who will fall on the sword for Ross and Ireland, told the Miami Herald that he pushed hard to convince Flynn to sign with the Dolphins. “I think we made an aggressive push. We got him in here relatively quickly. Again, we had a great meeting. Matt and I had some conversations, a number of conversations prior to his arrival to Miami. We had some subsequent ones after.” This doesn’t quite jibe with Ross’ account, does it? Do these two even talk, or is Ireland the translator who doesn’t quite understand what he is hearing? The clearly miffed Philbin went on “He'd (Flynn) probably be able to give you better answer as to why he chose to go elsewhere. All I know is when we were together the visit was excellent. I thought he got along very well with our offensive staff. He and I obviously have a relationship together.”

However, it probably wasn’t as tough a decision for Flynn as might be imagined, and money probably had little to do with it. When Flynn said it was “awesome” in Seattle, he wasn’t just talking about the lovely weather here, but the fact that owner, general manager and coach seem to be operating in unison and to a common purpose—unlike Miami, where the “team” seems to be pulled in four different directions. After signing with the Seahawks, Flynn admitted that he respected his former coach, but there had to be more for him. Could he trust Philbin to have his back against the bizarre machinations emanating out of the front office and owner’s mansion? Flynn could trust Seahawks GM John Schneider, who even after two years out of Green Bay still had his eye on him. After all, it was Ron Wolfe who supported Brett Favre against the doubts of Holmgren, and Ted Thompson would hold his ground in support of Aaron Rodgers when Favre decided to unretired. If he chose Miami, how could Flynn be certain that anyone in de facto power had his best interests in mind? Did he suspect that Sherman’s eye was wandering to “his” quarterback?

"But when it came down to it, I just felt more comfortable up in Seattle. I felt like it was a better opportunity for me.” Looking at the situation in Miami, it shouldn’t be that hard to take Flynn at his word.